Zombies eating Christ.

Back.

Hello, were back of sorts, holidays and illness applently have stunted the growth of this blog like the premature smoking of a baby.

Anyway here’s one to be getting on with whilst were’ gettting back into the groove like what Madonna said, the crazy man woman.

We’ll be back.

Its been a while, but we’ll be back soon.  People haven’t been well…..

Loves,

Kris.

Ahh Fritzl…..

Hello All.

Again apologies for the lateness and general lack of posts.  This is because Richard and I have been to busy contemplating the lovely sunny skies, whiskers on kittens and the kaleidoscopic dew that forms on a petal of a rose on a humid summers morn.

Enjoy.

Click to enlarge.

No Shit Sherlock.

Just a little silliness inspired by the news that there are going to be not one, but two competing Hollywood “re-imaginings” of Sherlock Holmes. The original tales are in the public domain now, so anyone can do with the characters as they please. You might think that standing the test of time like that would lend them untouchable status but, ironically, it just means they’re all the easier to mess with.

http://www.empireonline.com/News/story.asp?nid=22893

Hooray! For… Fleet Foxes.

Sorry I haven’t wrote in a bit, but I am a lazy man, and much prefer sitting around in my pants playing with my unmentionables whilst eating an array of cheeses rather than writing. Such is the writers laziness and vulagrity when it comes to actually writing, we would rather do nothing and wish that the writing in question had been in fact done by the magical writing pixie of legendary prose, rather than the authors own dirt encrusted fingers bedraggled by bile and failure……

ANYWAY!

I have come across the most amazing band today, well yesterday in fact. It has taken me at least a day to take in the talent and magnitude of the band and also that time to also come to the realisation that I in fact like a band who is new and current and well….now.

The band in question is in fact Fleet Foxes as my quite obvious blog title suggests and they are in short, amazing.

Now most people that know me will tell you that I don’t really like much, tending to shy away from the tweed jackets and bright neon colours of the rather boring and vacuous alternative music scene. In fact so much so that every time I walk down the Brick Lane/Old street area I wish I could rain down bloody revenge and disgusting violations on the next shrew like indy kid I see in a pair of slitted sunglasses and an asymmetrical haircut.

I digress. This band is fantastic, baroque harmonies and arrangements that remind me of the Beach Boys circa Smile and more recently Grizzly Bear and My Morning Jacket. But the thing that gets me the most about this band, is the lead singers unnaturally beautiful voice. Its breathtaking, when I first heard the song I am about to share with you, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my body was filled with that feeling you get just before you go down the big drop on a roller coaster. Its had me in a joyous mood all day and that’s rare because I am mostly a miserable bastard bent on fear and pestilence…..

Anyway thanks to my lovely girl Lina for introducing them to me, I am forever in your debt..

Here’s the song, its called “White Winter Hymnal”, go buy the album, there isn’t a duff track on it. Otherwise I guess you could go listen tho ‘Tings Tings’ or ‘The Wombles’ or some other Zane Lowe, T4 bullshit.

Enjoy.

Oh yes, more cartoons to come soon, we are doing a special one, so we are.

Speak soon, Kris.

Donkey Punch.

Hello there.

This weekend we leave you with a film inspired cartoon. The film in question is brilliantly entitled ‘Donkey Punch‘.

For those of you not in the know about what the term ‘Donkey Punch’ refers to, I will direct you to the Wikipedia definition. Ahem

‘Donkey punch is a slang term for an apocryphal and potentially lethal sexual practice supposedly performed during anal sex. The purported practice involves the penetrating partner punching the receiving partner in the back of the head or neck, allegedly causing the receiving partner’s anal passage to tense up and increase the pleasure of the penetrating partner’

Hmmm, love is not dead it would seem. Now from that one phrase, some director ‘Oliver Blackburn’ has decided to make a film out of this dodgy sexual practice.

It’s about a bunch of twats on a boat that get another bunch of equally twatty girls to come onto their big boat and then fill them full of booze and crack and then Donkey punch the hell out of them, and then one of them dies. Brilliant I hear you cry!

Now I don’t know wether this film will be any good or not (well I do, it will be shit but that neither here nor there), what I am amazed about is that someone made a film called this.

I mean they sat down, gave it some thought and made a fucking film. Let me reiterate that. THEY MADE A FILM. About a man who punches a woman in the back of the head whilst doing her up the pooer. And it got made. IT GOT MADE!!!

What next? A film about Wolfing? Munging? How about a film called ‘The Angry Pirate?’ for those of you not in the know about the Angry Pirate, I’ll tell you. Its where the man at the point of ejaculation spaffs in the eye of his loved one and then kicks her in the leg, so she imitates and angry pirate, arrrhhhh and such. Maybe it could star Eddie Murphy and Sienna Miller, and maybe Rhys Ifans could have a shit in the corner whilst Murphy and Miller simulate pirate love as their characters Seman Staines and Captain Pugwash, it would be hilarious!

If someone steals that ideaa, I will kill them.

Anyway here is the trailer for Donkey punch:

Doesn’t it look great!

Anyway, being the up to date satirical bastards that we are, we made a cartoon. We hope you enjoy.

Click to enlarge.

Anyway this is Kris Signing off. tara.

Ba ba ba ba baaaa!

Hooray! For…….Ian Dury and The Blockheads.

Hello.

While we get our arses in gear, and decide which scrawled feast to rape your eyes with next. I have decided to add a feature which celebrates our love of certain artists, musicians. murderer’s and such.

I welcome you to: Hooray! For……

Today we start with a great man, they ever funky and leader of quite possibly one of the greatest bands of all time. Ian Dury and the Blockheads.

If you’ve never heard of them and wouldn’t know where to start, they had five top five singles including; ‘Hit Me with your Rhythm Stick’ and ‘Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll’ . There, you see? You remember them now don’t you? Well done. Have a cookie.

Dury was born in Harrow Weald (not Upminster as it was often believed), and at a young age caught Polio which hampered his movements and gave him a jerky walk, Dury would Later write a song, ‘Spaticus Autisticus’ in response to the jibes he would receive about his impediment and also as nod to the Film Sparticus.

Anyway without going into some convoluted history of the man and make references to how remarkable it was that he was in such a funky band when he was highly crippled. I want focus on what a great lyricist he was, and in fact a poet. Take the Song ‘There ain’t half been some Clever Bastards’ where Dury talks about the great thinkers and contributors of mankind in his own Essex wheeze:

“Einstein can’t be classed as witless,

He claimed atoms were the littlest.
When you did a bit of splittleliness:
Frightened everybody shitless.”

Splittleiness!

Basically putting on a Blockheads record is treating yourself to the best of both worlds. You have a remarkable front man coupled with a band as tight as comedian Richard Herring would say ‘A Gnats Chuff’. Crazy Essex poetry funk.

Anyway, enough of my piss poor warbling about music, I’ll leave you with an appalling You Tube clip of one of my favourite songs ‘Jack Shit George'(I’m sorry but it was the only one i could find). Its basically how the English school system failed to enlighten Mr Dury when he was a gutter snipe grovelling around in the tadpole funk tank before he realised greatness. It has some amazing lyrics and some kick ass bass playing from my favourite bass player Norman Watt-Roy, who looks like a the sleaziest man alive but obviously that adds to the funk(seroiusly check out that bass solo!). But more importantly for me, this song made me realise that I wasn’t the only human alive that felt a little let down by the British school system when I was having the shit knocked out of me, and at the same time being taught absoloutely nothing.

Right. Here’s the vid and if you looking for a place to start with The Blockheads, start with ‘New Boots and Panties!!‘

Dury died of metastatic liver cancer on March 27, 2000.God Bless ya Ian.

Blogarty’s World

Topical? Hardly.

Immature? You bet your arse!